Who ate all the pies? Inspired by a certain Englishman, the Te Henga Nurses Marxist League has come up with a revolutionary new strategy. This is no pie-in-the-sky theory; rather a pie-in-the-face movement.
Subject: Nurses (Social aspects)
Nursing services (Analysis)
Author: Cottingham, Chris
Pub Date: 08/01/2011
Publication: Name: Kai Tiaki: Nursing New Zealand Publisher: New Zealand Nurses' Organisation Audience: Trade Format: Magazine/Journal Subject: Health; Health care industry Copyright: COPYRIGHT 2011 New Zealand Nurses' Organisation ISSN: 1173-2032
Issue: Date: August, 2011 Source Volume: 17 Source Issue: 7
Topic: Event Code: 290 Public affairs
Product: Product Code: 8043100 Nurses NAICS Code: 621399 Offices of All Other Miscellaneous Health Practitioners
Geographic: Geographic Scope: New Zealand Geographic Code: 8NEWZ New Zealand
Accession Number: 266344826
Full Text: From time to time The Te Henga Nurses' Marxist League has a Jonathon May-Bowles moment. This is one of those rimes.

You will know Jonathon. As Jonnie Marbles, he was the bloke who tried to shove a shaving cream pie in the face of Rupert Murdoch. This has appealed to the more immature members of the Te Henga League. That is, all, of us. We've taken to nominating people who we think deserve a pie-in-the-face. It is, dear readers, a late night fantasy, played out by late developers affected by rough red. We would never commit cream pie assaults. Or condone or suggest that any of you, dear readers, should do so. Like Heideggerian Hermeneutics, it's all very well in theory, but not to be tried in real life. This is despite Nic from NICU and Graeme the Guerrilla Nurse wanting us to gel out the aerosols and cream up. So here's the List.

First up is Dr Clive Bensemann, from Auckland District Health Board Mental. Health Services, nominated by Phil, from Forensics. Dr Clive responded to concerns about problems at the Inpatient Unit by saying that the whistleblower, Registered Nurse Lauren Meraw, was "inexperienced", coming from a place with "less effective mental, health care" and her assertions were "not accepted" (1) So, that's arrogant dismissal, of claims, racism and personal and professional, attacks all at once. That's not bad. Even for a Consultant Psychiatrist. There's a cream pie with your name on it, Dr Clive.

Olga the Intern and Louise the Lecturer put forward silly old Alasdair Thompson. They were concerned lest Ali found himself in hospital. after, let's say, a prostatectomy. Ali should be told, they said, that it could be unwise to ask the nurse attending to his through-and-through catheter whether she was having her "monthly sickness". Olga was upset at the prospect of anyone getting a pie in the face. She said Ali should be sent to a feminist commune in the Coromandel, for a counselling course. Nic said he would rather drown in shaving cream. Olga said she was sure the feminist commune would prefer that as well. Thank you Olga!

Dame Margaret Bazely is the next nominee. Dear Dame Margaret was on the radio the other day, calling the Firemen's pay rise demand "greedy". What is interesting about this is the groups she didn't call "greedy". No mention of bankers, or financial advisers, or oil companies, or local body rate demands, or the fallout from governmental, policies (fax cuts for the rich etc) or, heaven help us, the International, Rugby Board. No, for our dear Dame, it's the rich that gets the pleasure and the poor that gets the blame. Pie in the face please for the Dame!

Dame Margaret a former nurse, matron and nursing leader, is the patron of some august nursing body and much admired by many contemporary nursing leaders. So let's segue into getting them a pie or two--the assembled nursing leaders of Aotearoa/New Zealand we're talking about. Given that so many of them seem to have joined the Dame Margaret School, of economics--pay rises and perquisites are the proper rewards for academics and managers and consultant advisers--ordinary nurses should be grateful they have]obs in these hard economic rimes. Look across the table when you sit down to negotiate your next pay round. The chances are the senior nurses sitting across the table arguing for a surrender of conditions for a pay rise below the level of inflation, will belong to an august nursing body. They're the National, Party with stethoscopes. Pass the pies!

What about the academics? Let's include them. Even if for no other reason than for their pompous self importance. There's plenty of pies to go round.

Talking about education, let's put the old Clinical, Training Agency on the pie list. For changing its name to Investment Relationship and Purchasing Arm of Health Workforce New Zealand--you cannot be serious! (2)--but mainly for allocating the great bulk of its funding (about $120 mill) to the medical, workforce.

When your doctors come back from their conference leave and talk about their life affirming stroll through the beauties of Venice or Prague or Copenhagen and tell you about the conference dinner, that's courtesy of the (old) CTA We could also pie the so called nurse "leaders", who allowed this funding distortion to occur with their bickering and mutual jealousies. Get out your (metaphorical.) shaving cream pies, boys and girls, we've got work to do!

The League is wondering who you think would Look better with a bit of pie on their face. All suggestions to Kai Tiaki please. This could be the start of a new Nursing Model.

And another thing altogether...

We don't always do this sort of hard work at our meetings. We sometime have fun with words. Our latest favourite word is 'Alexithymia"

We like it because it's such a cool, word. Its meaning is the inability to fully appreciate, experience and describe our emotions. This would apply to a good 80 percent of New Zealand men. Nic, Phil and Graeme have formed a study group to look into and report back on the phenomenon.

So, from pie hit lists to lexicography--you must admit we cover a lot of ground--don't you think?


(1) Fisher, D. (2011) Health staff at 'serious risk'. The Herold on Sunday, May 29, 2011. www.nzherald.co.nz/employment/news/article.cfm?c_id- 11&objectid.10728754. Retrieved 02/08/11.

(2) MacInroe, J. (sometime last century) Conversations with an Umpire. Self Published.

Chris Cottingham, RN, BA, MEd, DipSocSci, PGDip (Health Sci), is a staff nurse working for a district health board that prefers not to be identified. In his spare rime, he writes a bi-monthly column of alternative (sometimes amusing or irreverent but always challenging) musings on our profession.
Gale Copyright: Copyright 2011 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

Previous Article: Corrections.
Next Article: The place of rongoa Maori in practice.